Anonymous: Fun new Tour event draft marred by sibling rivalry, inclusion of migrant players

Submitted by: FLX Truther

Its been nearly 245 years since Bennedict Arnold famously traded his loyalty to the American Patriots as they waged war with the British Colonizers. In what is widely regarded as the greatest act of Treason in American history, suddenly he has passenger(s) to ride shotgun with him in his quest for personal royalties and greed.

The Commissioners Cup Draft Night started out like many imagined, with numerous LONGTIME members with low handicaps were chosen in the first couple picks. By all accounts things were going as most had expected and eagerness captivated the higher handicap players (who have played multiple tour events played) further down the list to see if they would be selected.

But then Cain looked at Able and said “NOT SO FAST MY COMRAD, I HAVE A SICKLE AND HAMMER I WANT TO THROW IN THE MUFFLER OF THIS FINE TUNED MACHINE!” And just like that the Tour was up ended. Feeling particularly emboldened by current politics, one commissioner looked over his refugee camp of newbies and hand selected the first migrant player. The late addition of players (who have never played a tour event) was unexpected and went against everything leadership stood at the podium slamming their fists about – LOYALTY.

Some are saying the Commissioners have been spending too much time wafting the black mold under bar tops at Romigs, or even inhaling all the poop water the Genessee river gives off when the morning dew lays across for morning walks.

“We cant, we just cant” is a common battle cry from Tour leadership. It appears as thought they’ve been using the invisible ink text and we all missed the “But we will” when it comes to creating Tour scandals.

^^ ANONYMOUS TOUR MEMBER REACTS WHEN REACHED FOR COMMENT

This isn’t about one member, its about all Members (who have played multiple tour events) who feel they didn’t have a voice and are being held down by the establishment. Members with Names like Valetta, Riesenberger, Nally, Wirth x2, Converse (who have played multiple tour events) were all left at the rice line with nothing but an empty cup like they were in Gaza, as tour leaders opted for names like Anal, Christ, and Rhino (who have never played a tour event). Sounds like leadership has been spending a little to much time being horny at Martines and not enough time looking at the bigger picture of tour equality. Of course all tour players (who have played multiple tour events played) knew that they might not be selected and there were only limited spots, but what was unknown until Draft time, was that some of those selections would include possible future players (who have never played a tour event). Almost as if a ballot of votes was dropped off at the back door on a cold midnight in November.

Even earlier in the week leadership was unhappy about an unaffiliated event taking place this weekend explaining “I don’t even know XXXX” to only turn around 48 hours later and spend a draft pick on multiple people he doesn’t know. Really makes one stop and think about if the health of the Tour is actually important or if the leadership is being run by Dr Kevorkian and hoping to slowly kill it.

“A lot of rules being made up on the fly” – Tour member via the group chat explains. As cries grow louder for a player oversight committee, rumblings of a FLIV league forming couldn’t come at a worse time.

EVERY GREAT SOCIAL INJUSTICE NEEDS A ROSA PARKS


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